“I am not able to control my temptations.”

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“I am not able to control my temptations.”

This constellation showed us how more than one addiction can pass on generationally and affect people of different generations in the same family. 

The client is a very aware 19 year old, who wanted to understand the reason behind his sexual urges and temptations and wanted to overcome them. He had tried talk therapy in the past but it had not helped him the way he needed, so he was ready to give family constellation work a try. He was already aware of the pattern of addictions in his family and told me as much detail as he could. 

As we placed the constellation, the addiction turned out to be a girl who was sexually abused by an older man from the client’s ancestry. She was forgotten and never had a chance to find justice. The older man from the client’s ancestry kept mentioning that he felt intoxicated and that he was on auto-drive. He had no control over himself and he did not remember what he did.

As we looked at the reason of his intoxication, his relationship with his father was revealed. The ancestors’ father, out of his own loss, suppressed his emotions and neglected his son. He took to drinking, ran after pleasure and did not bother if his young son was doing the same. As this story unfolded, a lot moved in the field. The ancestor could face his father and express his sadness and love for him. His father also realised his mistake. This reconnection with his father gave him(the ancestor) enough support to feel better and the courage to face the girl. He could now own up to what he did.

And it was now time for that girl to express her anger and rage at this ancestor of the client. As she expressed, she felt better. The ancestor took responsibility for his actions and took back all the energy that belonged to him. By now, the client felt relieved. He addressed that girl and acknowledged her story. Being seen and heard like this was enough for her to leave the field and be at peace.

The client also addressed his ancestor and freed himself of his ancestors’ actions and his fate.

Bert Hellinger teaches us that each of us is responsible for our fate. And that each of us alone must carry the consequences of that fate. If we avoid or reject or circumvent that fate, another member of our system could attempt to pay the price. In this constellation, we saw that because the ancestor did not carry the consequences of his own actions, one of his descendants, my client, carried it for him. The client was so consumed by the temptations that he could not use his energy anywhere else in his life, thereby, not living fully, not being in control of his own urges. He was attempting to pay for what his ancestor did without any knowledge that it was not his responsibility. 

However, the client now has to take repsonsibility for whatever has happened through him unconsciously, because of the addiction. He has to make repairs where needed so that his fate does not get passed on to his future generations. 

Addictions are usually an indication of a void inside a person, a lack of love. In this case, this void began from the ancestor and his father and traveled down till my client and his father. And different people in the client’s paternal lineage have been filling up this void with addiction to alcohol and sex. The client is fortunate to have a sister who supports him and encouraged him to do this work for himself. And it is the courage of the client to open up to this work and heal himself as well as his lineage. A week after the session the client mentioned that he is feeling better mentally and noticing a change reagrding his issue. I wish him the best for his life.

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