“I want to see myself for who I am.”

Client case study
All Blogs / Family Constellation Therapy

“I want to see myself for who I am.”

Monica(name changed), age 30, wanted to work on her worthiness of having more money and pleasure in her life. She said that she was not able to spend money for pleasure and fun even when she had the money and the intention to spend it.

She felt very stuck in her life and did not feel worthy of receiving. She felt very hesitant to charge more for her healing work because she wanted her work to be very affordable for others. She repeatedly said that “I want to see myself for who I am.”

Even before working on this topic with me, she was already aware that she had picked up many limiting beliefs around earning and spending money from her mother. And she was clear that she wanted to work on that.

As we placed the constellation and as we began, it became very clear to me as a facilitator that the energy of money and pleasure was tied in to the relationship Monica had with her father and mother. What came up from this constellation was that Monica was not seeing her mother as her mother and for who she was, and she was rejecting her father and his story. As we move forward in the constellation, it became clear that Monica was carrying the energy, the beliefs, as well as the exact words of her mother towards her father and life in general. Monica, like her mother, felt that she was not seen for who she was.

What we saw and learnt from this constellation was that when we do not take our parents fully, when we do not see and honour their fate and their stories, and when out of loyalty and blind love we want to carry their burden for them is when we stop embracing and receiving our life fully. As a child, subconsciously we feel a certain guilt of wanting and having more in life than our parents and we give in to this guilt and stop ourselves from receiving more and enjoying more in our own life.

Monica wanted more money and pleasure in her life and when we placed the energy of more money and pleasure in the constellation, the energy of more money represented Monica’s father and the energy of pleasure represented Monica’s mother. Both of these energies, more money and pleasure, were standing far away from Monica and each other at the beginning of the constellation, and by the end of the constellation Monica found a deeply healing resolution and acceptance of her father and mother, and consequently, a beautiful relationship with more money and pleasure in her life.

Whenever we reject our parents, disown them, do not see them or become bigger than our parents, is when we reject life as well as all that life has to offer us. To enjoy an abundant life in every way, our responsibility lies in healing our relationship with our parents and setting ourselves free from any burdens we might be carrying for them and setting them free as well. Because every parent wants a better life for their child.

The main learnings from this constellation are that the blind love and loyalty of a child will make her do anything to save her parents and not allow herself to have a better life than them. 

Secondly, every child wants and needs to be seen, accepted and appreciated by her parents and when the parents cannot see the child for who she is, it becomes very difficult for the child as an adult to see herself for who she is. 

Thirdly, one way of inviting energies like money, pleasure, happiness, fame, respect, et cetera in our life is by honouring our parents’ stories and taking them in our heart without judgement and without expectation of more from them. 

Lastly, in this case like Monica already knew that her beliefs around money are connected to her mother, many times we know of how are issues are connected to something or someone in our lives but unless and until we take the conscious step of healing and working upon that, we remain stuck. In other words, knowing is not healing. Doing the work and feeling all the feelings while doing the work leads to healing.

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