Honouring the paternal grandparents

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Honouring the paternal grandparents

This family constellation was played out between a daughter(my client), her father, her mother, her grandmother and her grandfather. Our intention was to acknowledge and honor the paternal lineage, especially the grandfather’s story.

As we began, my client, let’s call her Roshni(name changed), felt very restless, so much so that the energy of restlessness had to be brought out and represented in the field. And as the restlessness was separate from her, she felt better. The energy of restlessness did not feel seen and accepted and everyone on the field kept their distance from it.

Moving on, Roshni’s parents seemed distant and she herself did not want to be near them. As the grandparents were invited into the field, the energy began to move swiftly. The grandmother told us that she had grown a lot as a result of this lifetime and was in a good place now. The grandfather however felt lost and confused. He had a mixture of emotions rising, guilt, shame, fears and felt deeply that he had let his family down, he had left them unprotected. He had given up his own life and left his family without much support(his son was in his teens at that time). So it became clear that he was in deep sorrow and guilt. He wasn’t able to forgive himself.

The grandmother tried to help her husband(the grandfather) understand that she was not angry with him, that she had forgiven him for leaving them. But he wasn’t ready to accept her forgiveness yet. On one hand, he was regretful of what he did and on the other hand, confused that his wife has just simply moved on. 

It was only when his wife explained to him that his death served a bigger purpose for her to learn her lessons and evolve as a soul as well as that she did mourn him and went through a lot of pain and hardships, that he(the grandfather) began understanding the bigger picture. After some more movement and expression, the grandfather finally came to a place of understanding and healing. 

And then it was the clients’ fathers’ turn to acknowledge and honor his father(the grandfather) and give back to him all the shame, guilt and fears that he had been carrying from him. As these two men saw each other and accepted each other, the client and her mothers’ energy also shifted. The clients’ mother and father came together and the client herself could see and accept her parents. And most importantly, by the end of the session, we understood that the energy of restlessness was actually the energy of love, which was such an alien emotion for this family that everybody was running away from it, especially my client. As the love began to flow through the generations and everyone took their rightful positions, the energy of love felt accepted, in fact it became very attractive for the people on the field as if they were opening their hearts to it and my client took it her by side as she stood receiving the love and blessings of her parents and ancestors.

This session had many layers to it and it is difficult to explain all of it here but I would like to share some important learnings from it.

  1. When shame, guilt and fears pass down from one generation to the next, they become like thick layers around the love that resides in the core of us. These feelings become so strong over time that there remains no space for love to be seen, felt and expressed. Here, even though love was present, nobody was able to see it and accept it, rather they were running from it. Healing the shame, guilt and fears gives space to love. 
  2. Even when a person takes their own life, for whatever reasons, it serves a purpose. The grandmother here, went through an extremely difficult life without her husband, chose to learn her lessons and evolved from her suffering. Her husband’s death became the catalyst for her soul growth. And who knows, probably they had planned this in their pre-birth planning together.
  3. One of the main lessons connected to taking one’s own life(suicide) is self-forgiveness. As we saw, the grandfather was in deep remorse and was still not able to forgive himself. It took him a while to even accept his wife’s forgiveness. He needed to accept his own feelings about his death(and life) and he also had to accept that others’ benefited from his death so it was not useless and meaningless. And that gave him hope for a better future. 
  4. When one person in the lineage takes responsibility for their own healing and learning their lessons, many others heal too. As the grandmother in this case did that, she helped bring in a major shift in the family(in the field), especially to the grandfather. This is something I am seeing in different cases now. Imagine how much healing we can collectively bring to our lineage as well as the world, as we take responsibility for healing ourselves. 

A few days after the session, Roshni told me that she is sensing subtle shifts in her relationship with her parents. And so our work together continues to bring more healing and transformation for her. Wishing Roshni and her family more and more love and healing. I am grateful to have facilitated this session and to witness such impactful growth. 

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